Posted by: emmelinetaylor | October 10, 2015

8.5 years

It took me eight and a half of years of planning to be a vocal music education major to realize it is not what I want to do with my life.

That’s six years of school I spent learning and trying new things, telling the whole world I was going to teach choir one day.

That’s 2.5 years of college, money well spent on pursuing a degree to say that I could teach kids, and also to pay to take a test that I would hopefully pass to earn a license to teach.

It only took one summer to make me start thinking if that was really what I wanted to do.

It took me a month of classes that finally got down to the essence of what I would do for the rest of my life to help me realize that it’s not what I should be doing with my life.

It took me two days to make a decision after:

One morning, when I woke up with One Thought in my head.

“What are you doing with your life?”

And two days spent in classes with experiences of “this is not fulfilling. this is not me.”

Of standing up in front of my peers, doing my second conducting exam (I got an A by the way) and feeling that I did not belong up there.

And here it is now, Junior year of college, and I’m switching my major.

I was never going to be one of those people. I always thought that I knew what I was going to be. I had my heart set on it. But sometimes, you see, that’s not where you end up going. It’s not where I am going to end up.

Am I still going to be with kids? Yes. Just in a place where I will be able to teach them better. Work with them better. Establish better relationships with them.

And quite frankly? That’s where I should be.

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | May 28, 2015

Destiny

I think we all have our own destiny to follow.

As kids, we are prepared to choose it. Our parents tell us we can be whatever we want to be, or in other cases are told we must be something or do something because our parents have done it. It all depends on how we are grown up what we think is going to happen to us.

In the end, though, we make our destiny. God provides the path and then we choose to follow it. For some people, it is fame and fortune (and yes, sometimes completely undeserved). For others, it’s a simpler life, a simpler task, not one that brings about that fame.

There are people in this life who just will become famous. Some will work hard for it and achieve it, and others it is handed to.

There are also people who want to be famous, but cannot be. This is because their destiny is leading them somewhere else. We are people who are lead to the jobs during the summer that make us satisfied because they are helping others achieve their dreams and destinies.

I think teachers are the people who are destined to help others achieve their destinies. That’s not to say that teachers are people who wanted to be famous and aren’t (occasionally that is true, but very rarely). It is to say that teachers care more about helping those around them, and in turn they gain a different kind of fame.

It is the fame of knowing thousands of students that you helped. It is knowing that these students will think of you fondly and all the time, still seeking your wisdom and appreciating all that you did for them.

That’s going to be my destiny. Helping others achieve theirs.

And I couldn’t be more happy about accepting it.

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | April 17, 2015

It appears I’m awful at blogging

I’m very inconsistent when I blog

It is usually months in between blog posts

What can I say? I’m a very busy person. Between theater and school and choir and working I have a lot to do during my day. I really should get on writing more though, and learning how to be better about blogging and what not.

Currently I’m listening to my home choir concert from the end of March. We sound pretty okay, though not as expressive as I thought we sounded when I was actually singing it.

I do love choir. Singing is probably one of the best things.

Anyways, I suppose this is just a “hello I’m completely aware I have a blog post.”

If you actually read my posts, thanks for reading. You’re pretty cool!

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | February 7, 2015

Theatre

I really love theatre. It’s quite interesting and fun and full of unique jobs.

Since joining college, I have spent a lot more time backstage and working on various things. For example, I do props. Props is actually fun. It’s incredibly, incredibly stressful. But it’s fun. It’s interesting to see how more things work.

I also work in the shop. I build things and fix things and create. I work. I become in charge of things and delegate.

And I watch. And I learn. And I appreciate the theatre a lot more.

I also appreciate the crew very, very much. We work really hard to make those actors look good. Divas drive me crazy. And there are quite a few at my school.

I believe the real talent is in the crew people. We work hard for very little recognition and without us, the show doesn’t run smoothly.

Next time you go to a show, take a moment to think about the backstage crew, the costume crew, makeup crew. They work hard and accomplish much.

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | August 16, 2014

I love him

Well, it’s true. I love him more than I ever could imagined I would. And sometimes I believe it is a toxic love. Maybe it shouldn’t exist. But it does exist, and the thought of losing him hurts. And every time I read a love story it’s him I picture there and it’s us I picture going through the trial and then I can’t get it out of my head and I can’t get him out of my head and it’s dangerous and stupid and scary.

So I’m in love then right? I finally figured it out? But did I really? Love is different for everyone. There are similarities so people can try to understand it as love, but people feel it differently and know it differently, and love differently. It’s just a fact of life and it exists.

Love exists. So shouldn’t we embrace it, no matter how it feels? No matter what happens next?

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | July 12, 2014

You’re not as perfect as you’re supposed to be.

So now what do I do? I can’t even lie to myself and say you’re imperfections make you perfect for me, since no one is perfect.

But I can’t even say that. You suck. You downright suck sometimes and what does that mean for me?

Seriously, what does that mean for me?

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | July 11, 2014

Emotionless?

Sometimes I really wonder what it would be like to not feel anything. How would it feel to be emotionless? Would it be better, because getting hurt would be impossible? Or would it be worse, because you cannot feel or sympathize with others? Would it be something to turn on and off, so you could feel some emotions but not others?

But it is important to take the good and the bad together.

See this is what happens when I start reading a good book. I get tons of feels.

And then I get sad. Really sad. And I try to escape it because the book is not my reality and yet all I can feel is the feelings of sympathizing and empathizing with fictional characters. My mind is so invested in the book it is insane.

And then I start thinking of my own life and reflecting on those situations.

And then it brings me round again to this: what would it be like to be utterly emotionless?

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | June 30, 2014

Like..what??

Life is going by so fast. And I always get the “wait until you’re even older, like my age” from my grandparents. But really, I’ve been home for two months for summer. Summer is half over already. I feel like it’s just getting started. 

Not only that, but I’ve slowly been realizing that I’ve grown up so much in the past couple years. 

I’m already done with one year of college. 

Like.. what?? 

My boyfriend just graduated high school. I’ve known him since he was like five and I was six. We’ve been together together for a year and a half in twelve days. 

Like.. what?? 

My sister is entering the high school this year. Sophomore on the varsity cheer team. 

Like.. what?? 

My parents 21 wedding anniversary is in a couple days. 

I turn 20 at the end of this year. 

It’s just going by super fast. At least I am enjoying it! 

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | May 20, 2014

I Don’t Miss High School

You know, growing up is weird.  

And then you look back on kids who are ages you used to be and you think “oh yeah I remember when” 

Thinking about high school feels weird

I don’t really miss it 

Actually, like at all

It’s so funny, it never felt like I was going to miss high school when it was my senior year. I keep seeing all of these facebook posts about “oh I’ll miss such and such a thing” but I have been too busy with my life in order to really miss anything. Yeah I miss the people, but I don’t really miss high school. 

High school sucks. Like a lot. I don’t miss it. I don’t even like going back there. It’s not my place anymore. Yeah, I have some teachers I like to visit and some of the people there are still kinda cool and all. 

But mostly, no not really. I don’t want to go back. Except you know, kid sister and what not. 

I feel kind of.. guilty I guess, for not feeling even a little bit of sadness. But in reality I mostly hated high school. It was a cruel place to be. 

So.. yeah. I guess that’s how that goes. I don’t miss high school. 

Maybe we should stop making it such a huge deal. 

Posted by: emmelinetaylor | January 17, 2014

Friday Afternoon

I like my Fridays. Friday is usually a pretty great day of the week for me. Got done with my last class of the day and have been chilling in my room listening to my favorite band, Mayday Parade. 

I have decided to take more time to do more stuff I love. College gets so hectic and crazy, what with classes, activities, homework, chores (’cause you have to wear clothes and have clean dishes), and socializing with your roommate and floormates. But what about me time? I feel like I have let that go away more and more quickly as the years have started to pass. So Friday is gonna be about me and just chilling and relaxing. I don’t care if it’s a nap, or music, or social media, or blogging like right now, but that hour between my last class and choir? That’s my time to do what I want and just go away from stress and everyone else. 

I think we all need a time like that in our lives. To really give ourselves a break from the world. So here’s to that one hour (at least) that we get a week to do what we need to destress and remember to enjoy life (: 

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